Pop-culture names worthy of Kentucky Derby horses

Come on, racehorse owners, you can do better.

If we’re honest, the names of this year’s Kentucky Derby horses haven’t exactly inspired us to call our bookies.

So, seeing as how I am the lone member of the Entertain This! Crew with ties to the Bluegrass State and the only one whose Hunter boots have actually seen the inside of a stable, I’ve taken it upon myself to come up with a few pop-culture themed suggestions for future Derby horse names:.

Watch Me Neigh Neigh

NBC brought Olympic figure-skating commentator Johnny Weir to the Derby and he did not disappoint. Not only has he brought “My Little Pony realness” to the event, but he’s wearing a brooch that gallops in response to the Twitter hashtag #WatchMeNeighNeigh. How has this name not been registered with the Jockey Club yet? It’s so obvious.

Chewie We’re Home

A jockey is a pilot of sorts. Let’s honor one of Star Wars’ best.


But only because “I’m not crazy, my mother had me tested” would take too long for the commentators to spit out.

Hercules Mulligan

Yes, Hamilton’s theatrical legacy is already secure, but why not honor the musical’s drinker-tailor-soldier-spy character with an equine namesake? It’s not even that much of a stretch: The historical figures were all solid equestrians and tony-nominated actor Jonathan Groff, who played King George III, is the son of a horse trainer. (Bonus points if the Churchill Downs announcer actually chants,”‘Brrrah, brrrrah, here comes Hercules Mulligan down the stretch!”).

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Becky With the Good Hair

We gotta have at least one option for the fillies. So why not the single best-known line from Lemonade? Sure, Becky may be a little basic, but it doesn’t mean she can’t run like hell.

Electric Word Life

We had to include at least one Prince-themed entry, so we opted for this one from the sermon into to Let’s Go Crazy. Plus, Prince was jockey-sized and who wouldn’t like to see a jockey in purple silks racing down the home stretch?

We also like Breakfast Can Wait, the single whose cover art featured Dave Chappelle in full Prince hair and makeup, holding a platter of pancakes from the infamous “Game: Blouses” sketch.


You don’t want the other jockeys to know you’re coming up on them from the outside, so why not do it on a horse named for the homeland of Game of Thrones’ legendary faceless assassins? The Many-Faced God would also be a pretty badass name.

And for the hardcore Jon Snow fans …

Lord Commander

Our first choice would have been the Bastard of Winterfell, but there’s no way that one passes muster with the Jockey Club registration folks. So we went with Lord Commander, his rank in the Night’s Watch before his black brothers went all stabby on him. It’s also how the writers and producers referred to Kit Harington in the scripts and call sheets when his character was supposed to be dead. Works for us!

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